What Is an Obituary?

An obituary serves two purposes: it announces a death to the community, and it celebrates the life of the person who has passed. A well-written obituary does far more than list dates and surviving relatives — it paints a portrait of a person's character, relationships, passions, and legacy.

Writing an obituary while grieving is challenging. This guide will walk you through the structure, language, and personal touches that can make the process a little easier — and the result genuinely meaningful.

Standard Structure of an Obituary

Most obituaries follow a general structure, though there is plenty of room for personalisation:

  1. Opening announcement — Name, age, date of passing, and location.
  2. Brief life narrative — Birthplace, key milestones, education, career, and important life chapters.
  3. Personal qualities and passions — What made them unique? Hobbies, values, personality traits.
  4. Surviving family members — Typically listed by relationship (spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings).
  5. Preceded in death — Family members who passed before them.
  6. Service information — Details of the funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life.
  7. Memorial donations (optional) — A charity to honour their memory in lieu of flowers.

Writing Tips for a Heartfelt Obituary

Lead with the Person, Not Just the Facts

Rather than opening with "John Smith, 78, passed away on…", consider a sentence that captures who they were: "John Smith spent 50 years as a dedicated schoolteacher, but those who knew him best remember him most for his extraordinary laugh and his homemade apple pie."

Use Specific, Personal Details

Concrete details bring an obituary to life. Mention their favourite pastime, a phrase they often used, or a cause they championed. These specifics are what readers remember.

Keep the Tone Consistent

Match the tone to the person's spirit. A humorous, vivacious person may be better honoured with a warm, even gently humorous tribute. A deeply private or solemn individual may call for a quieter, more reverent tone.

Involve Family Members

Ask different family members for a memory or a word that describes the person. You'll gather richer material — and the process itself can be healing.

Words and Phrases to Avoid

  • "Lost their battle" — Many families prefer "passed peacefully" or simply "died"
  • Overly generic praise like "beloved by all" without any supporting detail
  • Jargon or overly formal language that doesn't reflect the person's character

Practical Considerations

  • Length: Newspapers typically charge by word or line. Online obituaries can be as long as you wish.
  • Deadline: Most newspapers need obituaries submitted 24–48 hours before publication.
  • Proof carefully: Have at least two people review the obituary for accuracy, especially names and dates.

A Final Thought

There is no perfect obituary. What matters most is that it is honest, specific, and written with love. Even a few paragraphs that truly capture who someone was will be treasured by those who read them for years to come.